Hello… long time no see 🙂

So this is a therapy for my lost. Yet, another lost.

This Tuesday, I went to the doctor for a check up.

Last Saturday, I bled a lot.

That was the 10th days of my period. During the bleeding process, I found blood clots.  Those clots were stuck on the duct when I flushed them. Curious, I took and squeezed them but they didn’t shattered. My curiosity turned into fear. What are those clots?

I told my husband and he recommend me to go to see the doctor.

Then here I am. In front of the lab. Waiting.

The doctor told me that there’s a possibility of me being pregnant, but then the fetus shattered. I asked whether any other possibilities besides pregnancy-cyst, for example? But the doctor said No.

After the abdomen USG check, the doctor said there’s nothing inside my womb. It’s clean already. Then he suggested me to do a pregnancy test.

So here I am. In front of the lab. Waiting.

Then I heard my name called.

The nurse said, “Congratulations, ma’am. It’s positive. You are pregnant”


It was the first time in my life I was being overwhelmed of mixed feelings. What should I tell to my husband? That I’m pregnant but I had lost it?

I knew that he really wanted another baby.

I walked down the stairs then move over to the left, find the toilet.

Tried to calm myself.

But I ain’t that strong. I cried. A lot.

How could I being so stupid?

How could I was not realize that I was pregnant?

How could I? and all of the unbelievable silly unanswered questions.


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